Mental Health Awareness

 

I'm a very private person. I don't talk about myself really ever. I advocate for mental health awareness and I'll share about my diagnosis, but I don't talk about the day to day struggle. I don't talk about what I suffer with daily, hourly, minute by minute. I keep that too myself. I do have friends that I will confide in occasionally. But for the most part I tend to rather be the listener, the supporter than the one who reaches out for help. I'm not suicidal, I've not reached that point since I was a teen. Recently I lost someone very dear to me who took his own life. He was very private and believed that his burdens were his alone to bare. He was not suicidal until he was.

 

I'm very aware that someday I might not be strong enough to fight off those demons, that one day I'll be suicidal and it will be too late for anyone to help. I hope I never sink into that level of darkness where I cannot even see the hope for light. But sometimes the panic rises and it feels like it will never subside and then I panic even more because what if it doesn't go away, and what if it will always be this way. What if one of the many things I do to calm myself and quiet the alarm bells blaring in my mind stop working. What will I be capable of to quell that feeling?

 

But for now, I'm not suicidal. I'm just carrying my burdens all alone, because I'm a very private person. And this is the reality for many who suffer mental illness. People never know until it's too late. So watch your words, your actions, and don't assume that everyone you see is perfectly healthy and happy. Because we are not suicidal… until we are.